First Episode

all right ladies and gentlemen Joe Bud

Marissa go

ahead up oh yeah this is what you

nothing happened CU oh yeah like I don't

even know what to say like

hello I know you're used to hearing

[ __ ]

uh not saying but anyway this is a good

intro I I don't steal my [ __ ] I know I

just said it CU I want to welcome

everybody who is listening right this

second let me cut the music off cuz I

have a lot to say um what what's the

name of the show again uh I think it's

I'll name this show later I'll name this

show later with Joe Buon with that would

be me and you me I'm Marissa Mendes

don't take over the mic already now how

are you feeling amazing I had a great

day already you're you're probably not

about to have an enjoyable

podcast I I have some things that I

would like disc I know what you're going

to want to discuss and do you want to

know what else I stood in my mirror this

morning before coming here and I

practiced my response because I knew

that you were going to rip into me so I

was I'm ready for it but how how did you

know that because the fact that you know

that lets me know that you know your

behavior was totally unacceptable it

wasn't unacceptable your reaction

already inside of the club well we won't

get into that just yet okay what today

is well we don't care about what today

is um allar all Allstar Weekend just

passed it did it was wonderful it was

all right I had a great time I was very

um alone meaning I was very proud of

myself I was very mature this Allstar

Weekend how so I didn't have any holes

none I didn't have any ho all the thing

about Allstar Weekend is it will let you

know where you rank in terms of priority

with your hoes you know what you're

right because I learned things about my

rankings too well your rank has been

low your rank has been no I saw two out

of four Bays or five how many bays do

you have I think I forgot all right so

we don't care about that so so around

Tuesday I started getting the influx of

text messages M from all of my hoes

letting me know that they were in town

they wanted to see me let's get up and

eat Tuesday to Thursday my my text inbox

was very active Okay around Friday that

that kind of stopped it stopped which

was fine because I really wasn't looking

to engage in any any whole

activities but still I just want to feel

little important mhm sometimes you need

your text to go off to feel important so

Friday what happened Friday when did I

see you we were together Saturday do I

want to get straight into [ __ ]

Saturday no because you want to talk

about Friday and your hose or lack

thereof no nothing really happened

Friday you know what my thing is let's

just get right into it this is important

here I'd be wanting to know from women

right and to the to the beautiful women

out there I'm going to use the term hoes

a lot that term is not gender specific

I'm speaking about male and female hoes

number one and number two when I say the

word hoes I'm not speaking

about women it's not defamation of women

I'm typically talking about hoes and we

can discuss what that entails later on

but yeah Friday nothing happened it

there was no hoes went to a couple

parties uh a couple of friends hit me

and said a couple spots were uh

lituation and they were not a lituation

I also hate the word lituation by way

should be your friends if they saying

that when I use the word lituation it

will totally be for sarcasm uh Fab is my

guy but yeah we won't be using that word

very often

Saturday I feel like I need to provide

backstory okay wait what with you no

yeah no let's provide

backstory let's not and say we did a few

uh what is this I want to say a few

maybe about about a month and a half

ago uh had some friends and family over

the house because that's what I do I

like to you know have uh Gatherings at

the house instead of going out because

it allows for me to see and enjoy people

without being annoyed and being past

demos the entire evening and taking

pictures and autographs actually the

picture kind of killed autographs but

that's a whole another topic was I here

at this you were at this Gathering okay

so my comes in with her two friends one

of whom being a [ __ ] H

bagc he says now anyhow is she not a

whole bad no she's not I don't care if

she [ __ ] sucked sucked me off she

[ __ ] okay so we're just going we're just

going balls to the wall now well I'm

just saying that that that that little

tidbit means absolutely nothing still a

whole back okay what's happening right

now that's my intern why do you have an

intern because anyway so I have this

gathering at my house right mty comes in

with her whole bag friend and another

friend who may be a whole bag but I

don't know her well enough to call her a

hoback um we're playing taboo people are

drinking m is Glu to her phone the

entire evening waiting on a rapper to

text her wait which one I'm I'm not

doing that okay no no no no oh no we're

not going to say names I'm saying are we

referring to my long drawn out text or

we're just talking about the person we

saw sat yeah I'm referring to the long

draw out okay so she is like glued to

this [ __ ] phone right and when I and

when I say this what I mean is

like like she was writing entire

paragraphs we were having a heated

conversation and he was writing

paragraphs back no you were having a

heated conversation and he was

responding back with okay you bugging

you stupid he call me leave me alone he

say leave me I'm not beat I don't want

to [ __ ] you anymore your head your head

your head is trash no one would ever say

my head is trash your box is weed no he

didn't say he was replying back with

these with these type of things right

type and I only know this because I

snatched the phone from Marissa it's his

favorite pastime but but anyway long

story well the first half of a long

story short cuz that's completely

irrelevant to everything we're talking

about any M gets up and she storms out

the door with her two friends and she

heads over to the strip club lust shout

out to Kev and and Frank and all the

good people with lust beatric how you

doing um she storms over there and I

have no idea why come to find out a a

rapper is going to be appearing there

she knows this because she stalked this

person's

Instagram not because he text her and

said yo come meet me okay people do that

all the

time I'm not rolling with that if they

fans that want to meet the artist you're

not a fan my [ __ ] I mean I am a fan I

have his album and and that's kind of

what we need to discuss at the end of

this conversation but anyway myty Rush

is over there so this rapper can see her

right no so I could see

him same thing I guess yeah so she can

see him the rapper never shows up she's

just there looking stupid she drove 45

minutes for absolutely nothing and now

she's just sitting there with dry box

looking dumb cuz the person she wanted

to see was here wow why are we going so

crazy right now well I don't think

that's going crazy no I it wasn't dry

box I was having a great time with my

friends we saw DJ enough that's a good

friend of mine we had fun we turned up

they you didn't drive 45 minutes to see

DJ enough I know I didn't purposely go

for him but I saw him I enjoyed my time

there and I didn't drive and I was drunk

so so point being you were drunk and you

did not see the person that you did go

to see is that a yes or no that is a yes

if we're on understand that is a yes all

right so I'm correct so that's the

backstory fast forward all-star weekend

Saturday right that's what happened

Friday I went to some Kenny Smith party

it was like a a [ __ ] WBLS party there

was a bunch of old people I was the

youngest person there um and I never

want to be the youngest person in a

party um so I left there and then I went

to uh I went to some other All-Star

Weekend shindig I was suited and booted

and I still felt like yeah they I was

the only lightskinn person in the club

that really wasn't it so I said you know

what [ __ ] this I'm just going to go do

my ratchet normal New York [ __ ] and I

went to lust and I had the time in my

life me and my good friend Rory I I

threw a couple of alley oops to Rory he

bagged a few hoes we had a great time in

lust but we only were there for about 40

minutes were we no I'm not I'm talking

about Friday you weren't present okay

fast forward to Saturday everybody's

sending me these invites to go out let's

hang let's kick it I'm like you know

what I'm going to do some more ratchet

[ __ ] I'm going to head over to lust

because I had a wonderful Splendid time

the night before let's do it again right

because I'm an addict I like to do

things all the [ __ ] way so we go to

lust me Rory Marissa uh who else uhp a

couple Steph 118 shout out to her she

was there ish comes it's just we had a

whole crew Squad deep and we go to

lust a rapper is supposed to be there

now are we saying said rapper's name no

we are never ever in our lives we're not

saying can I say his initial you could

say nothing

AB [ __ ] nothing all right uh well it

all right well let me see well it

certainly wasn't uh well who's it wasn't

Mayo who's an who's an attractive rapper

well it wasn't

me yeah well you were there so so

there's this raer here and I really

couldn't understand the okay the women I

don't understand a lot about

women but we'll

talk mty is now glued to the [ __ ]

entrance of the club her head is on a

swivel it wasn't we were in the back I

couldn't even look at the entrance and

yet you still found a way to look at the

entrance we were upstairs the entrance

is downstairs what no the entrance

upstairs oh the VIP entrance no the

entrance into the [ __ ] strip club not

the entrance to VIP the entrance to the

strip

club Mayo comes in me and him kity comes

in with a million [ __ ] they go over

there like it's it's starting to become

a lituation yes said rappers crew starts

coming in motty because she's a [ __ ]

Instagram stalker [ __ ] [ __ ] knows the

entire crew she knows the [ __ ] bus

boys the the record handlers the DJ the

weed carriers she knows everyone because

she stalks this person's Instagram so

she's excited mind you she had a

headache and would not budge she was sad

and depressed and lonely and wanted to

leave I need to explain why I was also

sad because my text messages were really

ridiculous at that point some guy that I

was talking to asked me to go on his

other bitch's Instagram because

apparently she's blocked him and he

asked me to screenshot her last three

photos and send it to him I'm thinking

that it's like going to be a good

purpose he's going to be like yeah she's

talking [ __ ] about you or something like

I'm going to check her or even like

she's putting our situation on blast I'm

going to check her thinking it's

something like that and I was like okay

here and he's like I just wanted to see

if she was still in New York so he just

wanted me to help him with his other

[ __ ] so that was my mindset at that

point so ladies and gentlemen the jury

mty Monroe has already proved that she

speaks to idiots constantly via text

well I didn't say that he was a gem and

you did it but anyway that has nothing

to do with that because I thought we

were going to have a good purpose and it

had turned out it wasn't so good good

for you there weren't many good purposes

from you this night finally said rapper

comes in the building swag on a trillion

no actually he looked a hot ass [ __ ]

mess but eitherway I thought that was

pretty swaggy yeah when you I I hate the

word swaggy when you when you look a

mess but it looks like it's done

intentionally I enjoy that okay and and

that's what it appeared that he had

going

on mty jumps up and stands on the

couch we were all standing on the couch

I wasn't standing on the couch mature

ish was on the couch we were some of us

were on half of us were on the couch

okay well the adults were not standing

on the couch is is an adult ish wasn't

standing on a couch he was on the couch

and his boy was standing on the couch

with his back to us staring at cre not

even W wo wo wo edit that out please

hold up hold up hold up hold up hey we

want to edit that no so let's make that

clear he was being the malist male

groupy of the CCH that the that man is

not here to defend himself no back to us

but you are yeah here I am M's head is

on a swivel she's looking to her she's F

her mouth is on the [ __ ] floor she's

got drool coming out of her [ __ ]

mouth I was side eyeing the whole time

like glancing over and I would love to

give the real backstory as to why but

you've already set this up to the point

where I don't even want to because it's

gonna it's bad you looked like a a

[ __ ] no here's the thing also I knew

they weren't looking at us that maybe

there's a couple people in front of us

that might see me I didn't care the

point was I was trying to make see I

can't even I can't even properly defend

myself because then I'm just putting

more out there you can't defend yourself

because you look like a fool no I did

there was a purpose behind my story and

and and and I don't mind you looking

like a fool M you reserve the right to

look like a fool whenever you may please

I only mind because you were with me and

you said yeah how about you didn't check

your male groupy friend that had his

back he was literally staring at the

crew like he was with them I know it may

be difficult for you to gauge how you

were looking because it's difficult to

do that when you're on the inside

looking out mhm do you trust me at

all you do yeah but it's like a a a

weighted trust like it's like a there's

love lels to this

trust so you do so so you do trust me I

do but sometimes you're you're

judgmental no your judgment is skewed

so I can't necessarily agree with you on

that and anyway so you think you looked

great no no I didn't think you wonderful

I didn't say it was wonderful I just

know that I didn't look super duper I

mean I I was glancing over a lot yes I

was looking like a regular person I want

the audience to see my face right now

I'm [ __ ] flabbergast that she you

look like a regular person no like a

regular fan person I'm not going to say

you're not a [ __ ] fan yeah but I was

being a fan that night well the whole

point was I wanted to make eye contact

so we could say hi that was it how old

are you old enough so you're 27

okay what I'm asking you questions that

I know the answer to so you're 27 years

old yes so it's acceptable for you to

look like a [ __ ] 13year old at a B2K

concert but you already knew the

situation I I don't I don't care about

it yeah but that's that that adds that

me no no no no no no back to what I was

saying you reserve the right to look

like a complete [ __ ] [ __ ] yes

because you do but your so your male

groupy friend didn't make you look crazy

why do you keep no he didn't why his

back was to us it was as if the

partition wasn't even in the couch like

he wanted to be a part of their

crew that man is not here to defend

himself number one right number two his

actions were not nearly as noticeable

they were way more not you were just

sitting next to me see how you were able

to notice anything else with the way you

were behaving you looked wild my [ __ ]

really I didn't no really you did you

looked wild oh ladies and gentlemen you

looked wild to the point where where I

had to get up and stand on the couch and

whisper in your ear so what is your

objective you did ask me that and you

said what I told you my objective was my

objective was to say hello to [ __ ]

say hello to say hi but the podcasters

don't understand why and I'm not going

to explain it you're the pod casters

they're they're listeners oh yeah sorry

well the listeners we're the podc aren't

going to understand the point of that

unless I gave the whole story and I

don't want to give the whole story but

just know there was a point it wasn't

like hey random fan hey random rapper

want to say hi there's more to that

there's levels to that story too I can

clear I I I think I can think of a

discreet way to give this story because

the story makes you look worse if you

want me to be honest yeah well whatever

no let's just leave it alone let's just

change the let's just leave it alone

let's just change the topic okay let's

do a hypothetical and at the end of the

day we said hello it worked let's do

a oh my let's do a hypothetical here men

me to my male listeners are you

hypothetically discussing the situation

no I'm not I'm off of that I'm

hypothetically just discussing a

lituation okay that word is really funny

but anyway uh oh I'll use me I'm a

rapper right are you sometimes uh as a

hobby I love it it's my passion it

drives me um when I'm not doing [ __ ]

[ __ ] moreon fan [ __ ] with you

standing next to me looking at [ __ ]

other rappers but anyway I'm a rapper

right if if a young

Harlot are you calling me I'm not

talking about you nor am I talking about

the situation in the event that a young

Harlot were to text me something

something along the lines of yo I want

you to [ __ ] [ __ ] the [ __ ] out of man

suck my dick you're amazing you're the

greatest rapper in the universe not

saying that that's what you did I'm not

even talking about you I'm talking about

I'm not talking about you I'm talking

about a situation okay and I entertained

this right and she came over and gave me

the greatest head that I ever got in my

life

okay and then I ceased communication

with this

person and she was texting me every day

she was [ __ ] dming me on Twitter I'm

just letting you guys know this is a

hypothetical because this is not my was

dming me on Instagram this is not she

was using every [ __ ] viable means of

communication to get in touch with me I

don't know what kind of and I just

ignored it I don't know what kind of

situation me is this your story or mine

I don't it's a stupid story it's a

hypothetical story a hypothe but like in

reference to what in reference to uh a

relatable incident occurring that the

male listeners can identify with and but

that didn't happen I didn't say that it

did my Jesus Christ Joseph didn't say

that it did didn't say it did okay and I

so this woman was trying her best to get

in contact with with me and I ignored

her it completely I she never heard from

me again okay it would be safe to

assume what let me ask you what would it

be safe to

assume I don't know you guessed it that

he didn't ever want to speak to this

[ __ ] again in

life he never wants to see this ho it's

over I have used you for exactly what I

wanted to use you for and now be gone

like [ __ ] Patrick sesy ghost it's

over right would it be safe to assume

that is safe to assume and I don't know

why you gave this random story I'm not

saying that that's what took place not

what happened so now I have a

show in

pipy and I'm can we

stop can I just tell a story I'm tired

of your hypothetical story it didn't

happen like that you would be tired of

my hypothetical story yeah because

because it's not of course it's not it's

hypothetical none of these men can

relate to because they're not rappers

they don't have shows in pyy okay so

let's forget about the show in pipsy I

go to a random strip club in pyy right

I'm balling I'm throwing money in the

why raining I'm the weather man it's the

weather man has the Little Wayne song go

it's weather man right no I don't know

what song is that I don't know fireman

oh there's a fireman song and there's a

Make It Rain song all right well

whatever I'm doing that I'm doing all of

that I'm [ __ ] making it rain I'm but

money's falling from the sky hundreds of

[ __ ] dollar strippers is around me

they want to come home with me they want

to suck my [ __ ] [ __ ] and who do I see

out of my [ __ ]

peripheral again I want to make this

clear this is not the story of what

happened with me well of course it isn't

but who do I see out of my peripheral I

see

shorty who was [ __ ] obsessed with me

I this is not this is not because we

have to assume that this woman is

obsessed with me if I have ceased

communication with her thrown so far on

the I'm not even talking about you

you've backed up and ran over me but I'm

talking with your I'm not talking about

you yeah uh oh this do you know what the

word hypothetical means I know exactly

what it means because I have the

dictionary app but you're trying to

relate it to my situation no I'm not

these are two separate instances where

did this story come from then Joseph it

came from my [ __ ] mind but why what

is what is the correlation I just told

you because the male listeners will be

able to identify with this but why do

they need to because it's my [ __ ]

show going how about that right so

anyway out of my peripheral I see this

woman that is [ __ ] obsessed with me

men what is supposed to happen in this

instance exactly am I supposed to like

well I'll ask you what should happen I

don't know because this is a

hypothetical situation and it's stupid

I've never been in this hypothetical

situation so I don't have a hypothetical

answer or a real life answer for you I

just want to say all right we'll forget

about this story this is going on too

long I just want to say

that I as a friend of yours was very

disappointed oh God hit me with a

disappointed I I was disappoint I

disppointed in your male

friend I'm going to keep going back to

him and and I was disappointed

because um how do I explain this without

sounding uh industry is um these people

are my peers oh Lord I get that it may

be difficult for you to

um see it that way because you and I are

friends they're my peers too you know

I'm in this industry if you didn't know

well that probably makes this a little

worse that's why I have my intern

sitting in the other room cuz I have one

cuz I'm out I'm outa I think that you

should conduct yourself a bit better I

think you saw it completely differently

than I did so Sunday came and and I I

tweeted this I you know you're getting

old when when you go out like a few days

in a row and then you need time to rest

oh my God I needed that too you're 27

okay well it was a lot of

turnup I had just got back from Grammy

weekend as well so you have to consider

I was turning up for like did you did

you have sex at all yeah okay that may

be the difference I I didn't I didn't

have any um I didn't have any sex occur

this weekend so I really needed to rest

on Sunday mhm I stayed and I slept like

a baby alone no hoes no cuddling no

nothing no just me and [ __ ] PornHub

and x

videos what did happen though and I mean

this may be TMI but I'll give it anyway

when you you know how the popup the

popups come up when you go on uh these

porn sites oh yeah they do but they

usually pop up in the background so I

don't ever really yeah but you know what

happens it it pops up in the background

and while I'm watching my porn I can

still hear the noises the random

like so it's like you know how the old

Chinese flicks when mouth would move but

the words would be like it would be it

didn't sink at all so that's what would

be happening so I I I go to close the

one in the back and you know they have

the ads there and I did go to one of the

little sites there they got me yeah but

they always like as soon as you click

the link it's like a billion pay for

this pay for that like a good site I got

out of there I didn't [ __ ] beat off

to the [ __ ] still picture that was

horrible but anyway where was I going

with this uh oh yeah so I was resting

and doing that I was alone and then a

friend of mine hits me and says

uh yo come to Sweet 36 it's a lituation

here why do all your friends use that

term you should talk to them about that

well you know what is I I I ask I

initiate with the term because if you

listen to the song Fab is clearly

telling you what a lituation is oh we

know what a and I don't want to leave my

house unless it's a lituation got it the

problem is my friend's uh version and

definition of uation is a bit different

from mine was this Roar r that invited

you y y it was what now for the people

that don't know Rory Rory is [ __ ] 14

years old and he's [ __ ] white with a

burgundy beard like orange and he's

[ __ ] he he wasn't around when [ __ ]

Pac died he was learning how to walk

like he he wasn't like was I around he

doesn't you're 27 you should have been

around yeah I was so anyway he's not

really 14 but he's young so his version

of uation was a bit different I walk in

and it was just nasty it was a [ __ ]

mess I left there and I went to Shake

Shack and I [ __ ] went home and that

was my Allstar Weekend mine was just

like

that I saw a couple booze I had a little

Valentine's Day cuddle said holy [ __ ] it

was Valentine's Day it was it was and um

so you [ __ ] on Valentine's Day no no

it was just a cuddle sash I thought you

said you just had I had sex but it just

wasn't on Valentine's Day I said I had

All-Star Weekend sex wait there was many

other days in all-star weekend besides

Saturday I'm confused there was Friday

Thursday Wednesday they they started

getting in town on Wednesday so it

started from then I no I guess my

question is the person that you cuddled

with was this the same person that you

had sex with no oh you're just a [ __ ]

cuddle thought aren't you yeah I mean we

had sex uh in La so I don't really want

to hear about all your [ __ ] sex I

just want like a yes or no like Grammy

weekend we had sex and then he came out

here and I was like let's just cuddle

and then so we Valentine's cuddled

oh wait a minute so wait Valentine's Day

I do want to talk about Valentine's Day

really quick it wasad it was really

canel it really was and it was really

like even the pictures I I thought there

were less like gay ass photos on

Instagram of like oh Bae bought me this

that and the third I I'll be honest I

was saddened by this why I was [ __ ]

thrilled I was I was bittersweet I was

happy about it but it just shows where

this Society is headed I don't think

it's that we were really in the midst of

all-star weekend it's not chicks really

don't want to be booed up we yes I do

nah I would I would rather just cuddle

all day and like not go do [ __ ] and not

go like not go to toxic stalk rappers

Instagram pages and find out where

they're going to be and they just pop up

randomly hoping to say hello to that is

not what happened um but yeah no I do I

prefer to just be in the house and like

cuddle and like cook for them even

though I can't cook but I can make

French toast so I'd like to make them

French toast and

cuddle very random occurrence I'm off of

Marissa cuz I'm tired very random

occurrence you know New York is very

big so what I'm just kidding shut the

[ __ ] trolling shut the is this face to

face trolling yes so I was on my way

here to do this podcast and I was

running late and I went and grabb me a

soda and then I was coming I didn't

really care that I was late I stayed

outside I smoked the cigarette and I see

this out of my peripheral mhm I have a

great per peripheral yeah apparently out

of my peripheral I see this this

gentleman uh he made like he was

crossing the street away from me and

then he made a hard uturn once he saw me

and I'm thinking of was oh my God I

don't want to talk to this [ __ ]

what's what's he he had he had he had uh

uh two gentlemen with him MH and he

comes right in front of me so I could no

longer do my hey I don't see you I'm not

going to talk to you he's right in front

of my face guess who it is who is yep

you guessed it oh I didn't no you oh yay

Safari oh [ __ ] [ __ ] Safari just just

now today yeah just now Jesus Christ he

just walks right up to me jeez how's he

doing good old Safari he's doing well

hey he looks like he's taking good care

of himself that's nice looks like he

isn't really stressing over this breakup

anymore which I don't really care about

by the

way let me tell the listeners that about

me I I don't think that they know that I

don't really give a [ __ ] about about a

lot of [ __ ] you do you really don't I

like if it doesn't pertain to me like it

it I just try to like mind my business

you do yeah so me and him

talk I let him know that I saw pictures

going around of him and the strip clubs

him and a couple of my spots he was in

Heavens he was in

starlets and and he said

something that I've never heard any man

admit

to I'm intrigued guess what he said you

guessed it okay he said that he

loves loves loves big round fake

asses oh he loves it well that's not

shocking at

all uh it was shocking to me no okay I

I'm not segue into any Nicki [ __ ] this

is isn't a Nicki uh subliminal what I'm

what I'm what I'm saying is the fact

that he admitted

even if that is true men don't

necessarily admit that so willingly mhm

so we said that I was was a little blown

away and then I wanted to get into his

brain a little more and I said well well

I don't really like that and contrary to

popular belief by the way no you do like

the natural S I like a natural round fat

jiggly soft jiggly give me the little

tiger stretch marks on the side those

are those are cute uh give me a couple

of thumb prank

just a little bit of cellulite let me

know that your weight is fluctuated from

time to time right he was like no [ __ ]

that then I said well maybe a a fat

transfer and he was like well no not

really a fat transfer because those you

got to get done every so often I like

the CC shots give me put them all in

there that was like so I told him I

wanted to discuss this with him I was

going to say did he get give you

permission to just go on and be like hey

Safari likes big fake wait wait wait

wait wait I'm 34 years old I know but I

mean like did he think that it was going

to be put on blast like that did he know

that that conversation was going to be I

didn't think that me him and I were

speaking in confidence okay well then

that's all that matters we were on the

[ __ ] Street for crying out loud and

Cory was with you too right yeah Cory

was there hey Corey um you just [ __ ]

threw me off my [ __ ] memory is I

don't know I don't oh no no no I I told

him I wanted to speak to him about this

um here on the podcast oh you were going

to bring him up that would have been so

we're coming through the

door so far to the

stage you may have seen him on numerous

blog

sites you may have heard about him in

songs oh man has he been in songs no I

just I didn't know what else to say um

so so we exchanged information and

hopefully before he he leaves New York I

will get him on this podcast doesn't he

live in New York no he no

longer edit that out I don't know if

people just want me giving they're

[ __ ] address out and [ __ ] I mean you

didn't I think it's known that he's

based in la oh he's on he's on like TMZ

every

week I guess yeah that makes sense but

that was when he was with why does Peter

know what's on TMZ every week because

apparently he likes to read that y Peter

has a few things going on with him that

I just really don't understand but I'm

not going to get into it right this

second like I walked in the [ __ ]

Peter's house to watch How to Get Away

with Murder and I had to fight the

remote away from him cuz he was watching

like little league baseball like little

boys little boys running around in

tights and I was like whoa did I

interrupt private time here or what my

wife is a sideline reporter [ __ ] yeah

but it's much funnier when we don't know

that bit of information I was like Wow

Pete may have some

issues oh and hey speaking of that

anyway that's been you're a good Seger I

just want to tell you that am I you are

cuz I probably suck at it I haven't

tried it but I'm just following your

lead well you greated suck oh you

wouldn't know okay yeah oh I need to get

like an Applause thing of a jig for we

need to get like that when I say

something like a whole Board of he

control room men uh is there any way I

can get a [ __ ] Applause thing or

something you could like download or

should I just be [ __ ] dry and you

should clap yourself no the move is

going to be to to download one of these

programs do right on your laptop oh all

right you're giving too much information

to the listeners all right they have to

think the Applause is real Peter yeah

okay because there's so many people here

so that's just how that goes don't be a

[ __ ] uh dick by the way you

complimented his segue and in doing so

ruined the

segue yes she did I I was going

somewhere sorry oh where was where was

that oh got uh yeah we were going from

Pete being a [ __ ] pedophile in his

house watching [ __ ] little boys um

and we were going to how that is quite

the issue in hip-hop right this very

second pedophiles it's called pedophilia

okay I was going to say that but I

wasn't exactly sure how to pronounce it

no the word is pedophilia and that's

only an issue because uh TIG kyli Jenner

and the girl KY Jenner that's a whole

big web of mess um and and this is when

I'm going to go back to uh me not caring

about

[ __ ] cuz I don't care about that the

whole kind uh Kylie tiger um Amber Amber

chlo

uh who else is there Kanye Kim Kanye

your

mom I care about your mom thank you

she's she's cool if your mom knew how

you were behaving at lust that night oh

my [ __ ] goodness cam was just

concerned that it was snowing that's

what she wanted she wanted me out of

there because it was snowing so yeah I

don't really care about all of that but

what I did

notice on the timeline because the

timeline is taking the place of all news

and media Outlets that's where you find

out everything now what I did notice was

that all of my favorite

hoes were divided between Khloe and

Amber well I don't want to say

Khloe because it Khloe was more so a

representative of the Kardashian oh okay

so and and I want to be clear here so

people don't misconstrue what I'm saying

because people's interpretation skills

are very poor I've learned and I I don't

I want to I want to clarify before you

people [ __ ] up what I'm saying my

conversation right now has absolutely

zero to do with Amber or Chloe Chloe

I've hung out with numerous on numerous

occasions in various clubs in New York

City me too hey

besy really cool girl Amber I'd love to

[ __ ] lick her [ __ ] head I went to

dinner with her once so we're also best

friends um so yeah I'm I'm this is an

objective conversation that has nothing

to do with either of them but as a man I

do know the same way the hoes love

Marilyn um and R MH they love the

Kardashians I do love me some

Kardashians and I'm not a hoe but yeah

it's debatable yeah whatever that can be

arue um and they love Amber Rose I do

love amb oh it was bad [ __ ] it was

split down the middle that's how I felt

I kind of I was kind of indifferent

because it's so like I like them both I

get both of their sides I'm going to

just h no we don't care about we don't

want to take sides I just want to talk

about the hose being split yeah middle

go ahead and go back to the hose yeah

that was great they were uh they were um

what's the word that I'm looking for

divided I know yeah that's a good word

okay divided conflicted conflicted is a

really conflicted is the word I was

looking for yeah probably better that

the rapper come up with the words

instead of I'm a writer so we're about

equal and I also used to rap don't

forget why do you have an intern because

I need I do a lot of

things I do I write on a lot of

different sites I need to help with the

sites I'm putting together a college

tour a speaking engagement thing and we

have this podcast and I have a lot of

different meetings I do brand stuff for

different all right we're not plugging

your entire existence I'm not I'm just

saying these the things that I do and

this is what I need help with because

I'm one human and I can't do it all by

myself oh that just made you sound like

[ __ ] Russell

s you can't do it all by yourself I'm

just saying aren't you a [ __ ]

modernday [ __ ] leor I'm a [ __ ] mle

B oh spell

Mogul these nuts yeah whatever maybe I

should get it in turn oh little

backstory for the listeners uh oh no

because that's going to [ __ ] up if that

[ __ ] comes out I don't you know what are

you talking about right now you know

what I'm talking about no I don't you

about the backstory me and not you uh

what yeah no because you know the thing

on the

okay if I talk about the backstory then

the will

know the song where I'm dissing

him okay that makesense [ __ ] that

makes sense you're an [ __ ] I

shouldn't do that you're an

[ __ ] I guess that's what people mean

when they say I don't have a filter yeah

but even that is filtered can we edit

that no wait you don't call a [ __ ]

edit yes I hope this song never sees the

light of day it will though it's a great

song and if and if that man approves it

or what's you going to do [ __ ] WRA

back against

me what's he going to do [ __ ] get on

the microphone and [ __ ] spew

malicious statements my way the [ __ ] out

of here he'll probably come and try to

kill me oh we don't care about that oh

that's nice that's super hey then he

would hey then you would see

him this is then you would see

him oh touching subjects for you all

right all right fine we'll get off it

we'll get off it we'll get off it all

right well [ __ ] you're rushing me off of

my topic now you just got to make one up

no well yeah I wanted to I wanted to

avoid that entire topic like this entire

every podcast and we got right on it

right from Jump Street yep how did we do

that uh cuz I got right to it yeah but

you're supposed to protect me and like

you're protected don't you worry if the

other night was any evidence I don't

think this guy knows you're a

lie I don't I don't think I don't think

you're Your Existence is high on the

[ __ ] radar for this

guy oh my gez you make it sound like no

one cares about me I have a lot of boobs

that do care he just may not care

everyone else cares yo I just be wanting

to know I had a long talk with my

[ __ ] ex last night right right and

tahi oh whoa whoo let's respect people's

anonymity here oh yeah because we really

respected mine in that whole situation

that's what we're doing now now we have

respect and and I mean I don't have but

so many exes you have like 14,000 I

don't no I don't I can count like do it

do it see because that because people

like to say things like that a lot like

oh my God I could count them right now

and and they don't ever expect you to

say we'll do it then okay um Ronnie wait

whoo wo wo I'm going back I'm going all

the way back are we going back to when I

was 15 years old it doesn't matter all

right that counts yes Ronnie to Harry

that's two um did you date Gloria or

just [ __ ] her that Glory of hey glow

we're going to name we're naming Gloria

no we're not no no we're not we're FL

that's not an ex of mine it does she's

tied to you so that counts you're tied

to me what the [ __ ] that but I didn't

[ __ ] hop on your dick and ride it

like a pony I'm sure she did she's great

man yeah

exactly there's Gloria no no no we the

we you said I had 14

that's what I'm debating right now I'm

not debating the people that okay all

right all right all right you got it you

got it you got it you got it you

goton I don't even think the listeners

care about this really they do tahi um

okay wait Esther uh do we have to count

that yes I was there when she [ __ ]

broke into your home like I've been

through Esther through and through that

would be a great story for the next

podcast that was it that was a great day

that was a fun day hey we hey hey

listeners remind me to oh oh wait y'all

can't Remind Me of anything yes they can

they can tweet you you oh there we go

shut the [ __ ] up Peter don't make a face

behind I don't even respect you after

your little little

league your little league tidbit but

anyway yeah don't let him forget Somaya

re wait yeah definitely not and I'm

denying even ever having penetrated her

we saw the videos of me penetrating her

you were like being Joey and googly

listeners remind me to uh tell you about

that story spider yeah Spiderwoman

that's what we'll call it that was a

good day that was amazing it was me and

Connie you weren't even home oh you're

giving away the what are you doing let

stay on course all right girlfriends uh

to hear Esther wait wait I'm not

counting her no Esther [ __ ] counts

like [ __ ] you guys count all right she

got a whole song she got an count yeah

that's true all right um then um that

girl with the curly hair I don't even I

know you don't count it but it happened

no the girl before Kaylin that lasted

like months oh that doesn't count yes it

[ __ ] counts That Was Your Girlfriend

yes that was your girlfriend yes that

was and you guys SP Valentine's Day

together pardon me for two wait wait is

that the prerequisite for a girlfriend

but that was your girlfriend and K hey

women women my to my women listeners I

know y'all are not going to want to hear

this hey Pete how much time have we got

here cuz I'm I got something to say we

got 15 minutes that's it yeah it's been

45 minutes already bro what the [ __ ]

[ __ ] have we spoken about about you

throwing me into the [ __ ]

bus that's what we whole podcast that

time went really fast so I need everyone

to know that we spent this whole time

dissing Marissa and that's our

relationship well I need everyone to

know that that's probably what will be

taking place every podcast but women uh

to the women listeners out there I know

that you guys are hardwired differently

from men so let me try to help explain a

few

things uh um how do we do this without

offending people just [ __ ] offend

them you already offended me sometimes

men will [ __ ] you and not care about

you I hate to be the bearer of bad news

but that will take place probably

multiple times in your life if you're

attractive there okay now that's not for

you to be upset at or get offended at

okay you just got to kind of respect the

game all respect it so now now I I'm

there's a there's a u grand scheme here

just just follow me just follow me I'm

following now when a man is [ __ ] you

and just wants to continue to penetrate

you mhm he may sometimes mislead you

I've been down that path

recently now I'm of the mind that if you

want to continue to penetrate this

person sometimes you will you will

create a a uh

what's the word I'm looking for

facade H we can go with that the word I

had in my head was better you create

this facade this false

reality this girl that Marissa is

referring to with the curly hair that's

what that was yeah yeah I may have said

to her hey you're my girlfriend but in

real

life nah she wasn't my girlfriend yeah

you got the [ __ ] out of here pretty

quick there was like no emotionally

charge I was I was looking for an exit

women sometimes men will look for an

exit because we don't want to be the bad

we don't want to be viewed as the bad

guy even though we really are now if you

guys would like more information about

that you can remind me later I'm here to

help people be I think I need this help

because no you need a lot more help than

that you need a [ __ ] chassity belt

[ __ ] tied around your [ __ ] your

[ __ ] badge at all times but anyway so

we are at uh Esther Tahiri and uh uh

curly hair no no we're not we're not

counting her so we're at three and kayin

Kaylin is

four might be all I got um what do you

got what

about oh

[ __ ] no yes by the way she's my homie I

that was just suggested in the room no

that is so that is so yes thank you

thank you room shout out to the room not

room thank Rory cuz Cory's not even like

that to [ __ ] say that actually Cory

it was actually Cory sh Cory I don't

believe it shout out to is my boo that

was my um between her and and kayin

those are like my faves of yours well

first of all I mean I love to too hey

tahi I don't know if we can say that

that we were ever a coule all right this

is what happened you were referring to

her as your summer girlfriend in the

summer of 2011 go hold on and then when

I got with my dumbass ex-boyfriend at

the time who became who was my boyfriend

friend you were like what the [ __ ]

Marissa has a [ __ ] significant other

and I don't know now I have to make this

my real situation and then you made it

your real situation and then you you

extended her contract you kept talking

about extending her contract to the fall

and you did and then it kind of just

filtered off a little bit and then you

know then you guys went your separate

ways and then kayin came the next summer

I don't like that version that is the

[ __ ] version I was there I was there

and you can't tell me any different I

will attest to that I will bet my life

saving that was a pretty non-offensive

version for is pretty veryy I don't like

when my business is is oh but we love

when Marissa's is right well my business

is sacred in my defense

no but anyway um summer was coming

yep and I was doing like a weird reverse

thing you know how people normally get a

uh situation in the winter

time because I didn't have one in the

winter time and because I had wanted to

penetrate quite some time I've got a

Funny Story by the way hey remind me

about you got a lot of and I um uh were

intimate a long time ago right is a long

time before the summer way before the

summer yeah I knew that answer I was

just saying way before summer and it was

one of those things where you know um

you ever have uh you ever meet somebody

where you're anxious to uh for the ACT

to take place m yes so I may have been

uh overly

anxious and I had a bad night at the

gym I had a really bad night you don't

you don't go to the gym no no no no

that's a that's he didn't perform well

Marissa what a [ __ ] Doo Oh My listen

oh my God I [ __ ] I don't even think I

hit the backboard on a lot of these

shots jez I might have been throwing the

ball in the [ __ ] stands this was a

really really really bad night for me

but I was tired I mean and I'm a rapper

so you can get away with it sometimes

right honestly yeah probably so after

that horrible oh my God I feel I almost

owe that girl in apology for that night

but I don't know where my headp space

was because I was unaware you know as

men we are we are self-centered so we

don't really look at we don't really

think about about how the women the

woman is taking this in so anyway after

this bad night at the gym mhm I may have

spent the next N9

months trying to do it again trying to

uh redeem myself because first of all I

don't even give the best dick on the

first go anyway I think that's a no no

you give like B minus uh C+ C+ what you

give would you give my friend cuz she

really liked it I'm not admitting to

doing anything with Friend by the way I

who what friend I don't yeah the F

friend that we referred to in the

I'm right now cut her mic off cut her

mic off right now anyway do this to me

hypothetically if I had a friend that

I've been best friends with since the

first grade that comes around all the

time and then we all went to get drunk

together one

night now I'm St though because I don't

want to throw you under the

bus go on you made me lose my entire

train thought it good oh so I spent the

next eight months I I didn't even know

where I had friends by the way I have a

lot of friends everyone [ __ ] loves me

so I spent the next nine months trying

to get back in that [ __ ] shout out to K

Camp I really do like that uh you owe me

some [ __ ] song I don't know it and I do

feel like I should have Pro you don't

know that song I do feel like I should

have came up with that song because I

feel like that on many of occasion do

you have any TI dollar sign you could he

sings about [ __ ] you could probably

just play that oh look what the [ __ ] you

Marissa when you see me doing something

I need you to kind of take over the

microphone um I'm told you I'm not good

at Segways all right but it's over for

you I the song okay feel like you owe me

that P ow me that P that P like owe that

ow that

P sitting here with a room full of

people looking at

me well nobody feels like you owe them

[ __ ] okay well look but anyway I spent

the next 8 to nine months uh trying to

redeem myself and getting that [ __ ] and

she was curving me badly oh I have a man

oh I'm painting my house oh I just

bought uh tiger that I'm walking like

they were they were horrible curves

really bad curves so that summer that

Marissa speaks of in summer 11 it really

was one of the best Summers ever and I

got in that thing again didn't you did

you ever man oh man yeah was I Kobe

against the Raptors yes whoa was I Kobe

with Jaylen on 81 huh was 82 8 it was 81

81 two assist oh my were you guys alive

in did I beat no 881 points Marissa oh

oh I beat that thing to a pope all right

all right she just remember remember

earlier remember she's not here to

defend herself she had like a extra coat

of glossiness okay over her pupils when

she looked at me okay we're doing too

much here we're done well no we ain't

doing too much she [ __ ] laid there

heless and submissive no while I walked

around no I don't I got up and got a

sandwich no this doesn't feel good

smoked shut up took a drive all right

the point remains anyway so that was his

girlfriend so no it wasn't so anyway she

looked at me and

said she said wow do her accent I don't

remember her accent just m spany she

said no I can't do

it oh she said she said

wo I would have never thought I would

have never thought we would have been

able to have that we would have been

able to have such amazing sex such

amazing sex because shut the her voice

she said I always looked at you like the

bad dick

guy

yikes wait well first impressions are

usually the last thing impression well

even though I did give her some bad dick

as a man it just didn't dawn on me that

a woman could look at me that way

absolutely there is guys I would never

ever answer the phone for again and then

there's guys that you would pop up

randomly wherever they say they're going

to be on

Instagram or no so anyway so we so so

yeah that was my summer boo contrary to

popular belief I don't go around

slinging dick you don't I just don't

like typically when when I'm intimate

with someone that is the person that I

remain intimate with

exclusively uh without the title mhm no

you know that's that's actually that's

normally how the the these uh mistake

relationships come about because you end

up sleeping with someone that you're

just platonic with uh consistently and

quote unquote exclusively and then that

person develops all these [ __ ]

feelings and think you're their [ __ ]

boyfriend and all this the nerve I I

mean you cuz you're like Mr [ __ ]

lover boy I watch you I watch you in

action you you you were very attentive

you learn their quirks you learn Little

Things about them you make them feel

very special you're very like in your

face you look people in the eye when you

speak to them you're very like grabby

touchy so I'm an adult no so I was

raised right you make these [ __ ] fall

in love and then you wonder why they why

well oh wait oh I missed a girlfriend um

[ __ ] the last [ __ ] Alie or whatever

her name is Deli I don't know say her

name [ __ ] counts that was fake nope

no you on TMZ for it so it counts no it

was still fake no t

so we're at so we're at four just so

we're clear he made of a number right

now no we're at we're at the number that

we said kayin Esther curly hair no we

didn't count curly hair I don't care

anymore honestly but for and for a 34

year old man that's not bad so I'm

unsure about how I got this reputation

of being this big ho ass [ __ ] because

we can name a bunch of other [ __ ]

that you just slang dick for no you

can't yeah you can no you can't I could

but that's just me telling on you but I

could could you yeah I know [ __ ]

see no let's see it do it do it right

now do it right now exactly so shut the

[ __ ] up then anyway and now you've

ruined my [ __ ] Point again good cuz

it wasn't pointless where was I going it

doesn't matter this the show's about to

be over no but I was going somewhere

you're here now we're here so let's just

sign off I don't like that sign off no I

feel like I don't like I don't like uh I

don't like the sign off with uh us

having conflicting stories about my

number of [ __ ] girlfriends you had

mad girlfriend friends a lot of dick

you're a 34y old rapper that's decent

looking I guess if you're looking at you

with like drunk with one eye closed so

I'm not I'm not rolling with any of this

I know what that means Peter and [ __ ]

London man are giving me the uh the time

signal Rory inviting Dominican fours

around thinking that he's doing me a

favor because I may want to penetrate

these women does absolutely nothing for

for me at all and I need to explain that

to

people and stupid me my Virgo celf feels

like people should know some of these

things without me having to explain them

wait are you is Rory taking a picture of

you and you're trying to look candid so

what are you doing you look like a

[ __ ] nut I like I was just trying to

have like a thin a thin jawline so I was

trying to talk oh like oh man so wait so

when I was speaking to my ex yesterday

right we have to go oh no I'm still

talking no when I was speaking it's my

sh you don't run [ __ ] here I know but

you're going to okay all right so you

and your uh your interviewer intern can

your intern that you that's not an

intern y'all can leave and I can

Rosenberg taught us that it should only

be like an hour each time because then I

am a teacher like

ks1 so anyways ks1 is a teacher yeah you

proba don't know who that is I do years

old Nelly dissed him in a song one time

is wow oh my God

that is why you know krx I know who he

is other and this is the problem with

hip hop today be these young whipper

snappers are [ __ ] [ __ ] up but we'll

talk about hey listeners remind me to

talk about that at another time too but

anyway real quick before we go before we

go Snapple fact right I'm full of

stories aren't I while I was talking to

my ex yesterday and she was throwing all

these [ __ ] subtle shots at me for

being over her and not paying her any M

and she was trying to figure out who Bae

is because I keep talking a bae but Bae

is never around so now she just laughs

at me because I keep calling her and bae

doesn't know that me and her talk

whatever it's really messy but anyway

um uh she said yeah I saw some picture I

saw some picture who's your who's Bae

Marissa cuz you was been leaned over

tying her shoes you was tying her shoes

and I'm like look at this [ __ ] ass

[ __ ] he ain't never tie my shoes so in

my head I was like in my head I was like

well why would anybody anybody that

knows me knows I would never [ __ ] my so

why would every knows I would never [ __ ]

Joe bu I don't know if everybody gross

but anyway so in my head I was like

maybe I need to explain to people why

cuz I didn't know that was tweeted out

yeah baller alert posted it yeah yeah I

know yeah I'm going to talk about that I

didn't sign off on that one but anyway

before we go let me just explain to

people in this picture what was going

on we were walking in the freezing cold

freezing Marissa's Timberlin was untied

it was a boot Marissa had on what's the

[ __ ] that women wear when they want to

uh hold in all the fat and make make men

think that they're skinnier than they

really are and then we take them home

and then we're totally shocked that we

got some fat [ __ ] in our crib not F I

didn't say you were okay but cuz we got

some fat [ __ ] in our crib that looks

nothing like what we kicked it to in the

first place I said it's a f house so

would you stop describing it what's it

called aaha aaha first of all it don't

even sound like you should be wearing

anything called aaha you're [ __ ]

white even though your last name is

Mendes you are white no you are I'm

mixed oh my God anyway so Marissa had

this on and it was so tight that she

couldn't bend

over so when she said hey I have to tie

my shoe but I can't bend over cuz I want

to F it's sucking all the en and the

blood can't move MH I was the good

friend and I bent over and tied her shoe

and then like the backstabbing [ __ ]

[ __ ] she is I take picture she [ __ ]

says yo take a picture of this right now

we going to Tweet it down look at this

[ __ ] ass [ __ ] bent over time I sh like

I you can't even help people now so that

will be the last that will be the last

time oh listen I I may embellish a

little bit for the sake of the story but

that will be the last time that we ever

TI Marissa shoe and it will be the last

time that we ever go to the strip club

with Marissa that other rappers are

going to be at and it's going to be a

lot of last times with Marissa and I

thank you Joe um I had a wonderful show

you did this was great this was

wonderful this kind of flew by it did

it's almost like a therapy session like

when you want to keep talking to them

and then like you can't it's like signf

it's like a podcast about nothing that's

exactly right and um people who are

listening on Soundcloud should be

searching for the podcast on iTunes so

they can subscribe there it'll be

available on iTunes shortly we supp say

should I say that or or was it fine you

saying it I think you should I think you

should now say it okay the PE [ __ ] yeah

for the people that want no for the

people that are listening to this on

Soundcloud you should also search this

on iTunes because it will be up shortly

and you can subscribe and all things

us it's not a US my [ __ ] it's me and

it's you oh that's not nice it's not

we're not a TM we are no we should do

like a photo shoot together and do like

some back to back like like from the

'90s kind of like yeah well I have a

micophone you [ __ ] and Ashley dild Oh

my Jesus anyway that's disgusting listen

this was great this was real I want to

thank all of you beautiful people out

there I had a blast okay this is not a

Grammy speech bro I wouldn't know I've

never won a Grammy and let me just say

the one time that I was nominated for

Grammy oh was I [ __ ] robbed that was

my first album all right story time no

real quick real

quick it was my first album I was so

proud to be nominated and these [ __ ] p

uh and the nominees are Joe Buton Eminem

50 Cent Jay-Z anyone else that's way

more amazing than Joe Buon [ __ ]

barberon everybody was N I had no chot

of winning that thing Barb but I take my

[ __ ] nomination and try have you ever

been nominated for anything the answer

is no I one time won a layup contest

there's not a head

award that wasn't you don't even go a

head award all right out that was funny

was not funny I'm out all right fine

we're gone good night one

all right